Research And Not So Good Relationship

After completing first semester, it was now essential to find some way of funding. I tried to find some research position in first semester. But, I did not get any. There were some professors working on projects which I liked but they did not have any vacancy. And there were some professors working on projects which had vacancies but were not of my interests. Also, I did not consult with any of my friends. Let’s say I did not have the knack! I personally do not like to take anybody’s reference for any job or any position. I can proudly say that whichever positions I have got or whichever jobs I have done, I did not have any reference for them. I solely earned/got them. I am not saying that applying for a position through reference is bad or people who go through referral system are less competent. I am just saying I never chose that option. But, I must confess here that, even though I did not want anyone to refer me I could have taken advice from my own friends regarding how to approach professors? Which professors are working on projects in my areas of interest? Which professors are good? How to prepare for the interview? etc. I regret I did not ask for help. It is a fault in me that I seldom ask anyone for help when it comes to my personal choice. Professionally I ask for help whenever necessary.

Anyways, just after finishing first semester, I still remember I met Dr. M.C. Leu while he was walking to his office regarding a position of RA (Research Assistant). Initially he expressed reluctance. But, after some days I sent him an email asking the same. Then he replied and said that there is a vacation Virtual Reality lab if I was interested. The funny part is that I did not even know the phrase Virtual Reality. He asked me to send my resume and he will call me for an interview if he finds my resume fit. I sent my resume and he called me to his office for interview. I remember Dr. Leu’s expressions when he saw my grades of under graduation (BE). He looked a bit confused because, I had 67% as average of 4 years of Engineering in India and yet the grade was distinction. I had to convince him that in University of Pune +66% is Distinction grade equivalent to A+ grade. Anyone from my University who graduated before 2009 will agree with me that percentage of +66 each year was a tough task. He asked me somethings about CAD and a coding test was given to me. I remember it was sorting of given numbers. I finished it in given time. Honestly speaking I was not prepared for a coding test. After some time he said I was hired as Research Assistant in his Virtual Reality lab. My friends told me that Dr. Leu is not the best professor to work for but I ignored them, because my priorities were different. I wanted some financial support for my studies. Later on I realized that my friends were not entirely incorrect.

But, there was something that stuck in my mind forever. Somewhere I thought that Dr. Leu was not entirely convinced that I was a good candidate. He was doubting if I was telling the truth when I presented my resume or my experience. He looked kind of reluctant. For next 2 years of our interaction, I always thought Dr. Leu has doubt about my ability and he always cross checked or sometimes outrightly rejected whatever I said. It is possible that I might not convincing all the time but in the field of science personal opinion does not matter. I can’t say for sure but sometimes I felt a bit humiliated in 2 years period of my Research Assistant’ship. Simply speaking he never believed me. I desperately needed some blessing from anywhere possible.

It was the biggest reason I was always uncomfortable, hesitant and nervous while working for him. There were incidences where I thought I was being discriminated or Dr. Leu has bias against me. How strange is it that a professor should have bias against his own RA? It was terrible and mentally tiring. I will explain in later chapters how it affected my mental health. I must also confess that he gave me opportunity to work for really nice projects but was the cost worth it? Did I deserve the stressful life? Today when I think of it, honestly I am not sure whether it was a right decision or not. I had to have some kind of funding and he was the only one who was willing to provide that. The research and the project was excellent but I do not hesitate to say that Dr. Leu never had my back! My first bad manager (I’ve met few more till now). But, it was not entirely a bad experience. It was the first job where I worked in a somewhat agile environment, scrum system. I learnt doing research. So I call it a not so good relationship.

Sometimes destiny chooses the path for you and you have to follow it without asking any questions. There is only one law ‘You can’t get everything’

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